THROUGH MY WINDOW — Are We Even Solving the Same Problem?
Discover why many disagreements begin long before the solution—and how shared definitions create clearer conversations.
Companion to This Episode
I've been thinking about something lately.
It started with a post about Social Security, but the longer I thought about it, the less interested I became in Social Security itself. What stayed with me was a question: when people passionately disagree about what should be done, are they really debating different solutions—or are they trying to solve different problems?
In this Through MY Window reflection, I explore why so many conversations seem to go in circles. Whether we're talking about politics, marriage, parenting, or everyday disagreements, we often assume we're answering the same question when we may have started from entirely different definitions or different problems. Before we debate solutions, we may need to step back and ask what problem we're actually trying to solve.
Rather than trying to convince anyone to adopt a particular opinion, this episode is an invitation to slow down, become more curious, and discover where disagreement really begins. Sometimes the fastest way forward isn't finding a better solution—it's making sure we're answering the same question.
💬 Let’s Talk 💬
Have you ever walked away from a conversation only to realize that you and the other person weren't actually trying to solve the same problem?
If so, where do you think the conversation first went off track?
Sometimes disagreements aren't really about competing solutions—they begin much earlier, when people are working from different definitions, different goals, or different understandings of the problem itself. Taking time to notice where those paths first separated can help us have more productive conversations in the future.
I'd love to hear about your experience if you'd like to share it.
If you choose to share, the life experiences you bring are deeply valued here. Reflections can be shared in the comments on the Are We Even Solving the Same Problem? | American Together video on the American Together YouTube channel, or in our upcoming community space (coming soon).
🛠 3 Ps in Action: Comment Edition 🛠
Need a little extra help shaping your reply? This quick guide uses the same 3 Ps process I use myself: Pause, Pinpoint Truth, Proceed with Purposeful Forethought.
🧭 Practice Challenge 🧭
The next time you find yourself disagreeing with someone—or simply observing a disagreement—resist the urge to jump straight to solutions.
Instead, pause and ask yourself:
What are we talking about?
What problem are we trying to solve?
Why do we think it's happening?
Only then ask, "What should we do about it?"
You don't have to ask these questions aloud. Simply noticing where the conversation begins can help you recognize whether people are actually trying to solve the same problem before debating the solution.
💛 Episode Inspiration 💛
Sometimes an episode begins with an answer. This one began with a question. After reading a discussion about Social Security, I found myself wondering whether people were really arguing about different solutions—or whether they were trying to solve entirely different problems.